The Teasing
The Teasing…
“Drug addict, stupid, weirdo, mommy's little girl” … I can fill up an entire page with the names I was called all through primary and even into High School.
When I was diagnosed there was only Ritalin, and in my case it only lasted 3 hours – you see the next dose had to start working almost immediately otherwise I dipped to such an extent that it took a while for me to balance out – so I was “safe” on my medication if I drank it every 3 hours.
For this reason, I had to have 1-2 doses at school – especially once I reached High School. And even though most of the time I drank it when and where nobody could see there was always someone who did or someone who somehow knew and the name calling and the teasing came with it.
I am 1.85 metres tall – was always considered the tallest in my class, I also have dark blue eyes and had ash blonde hair as a school pupil. So obviously my skin was also fare and I could not tan etc like some of the other kids – I was the scapegoat – the punching bag for all the bullies – I even had a boy who would pull my hair so hard in primary school that he would eventually have me on my knees and sometimes even in tears.
When I was std 5 (now grade 7) my best friend was made Deputy Head Girl – I was shielded from the bullying cause if they got mean and nasty she would reprimand them.
Glow-worm, White goose (because of my surname Goosen) arch eyes etc were some of the names I went to High School with.
It was really only once I started doing modelling that the name calling stopped.
How does a child who doesn’t understand why she is different cope with this sort of stress? In my case I had a mother and a family who fought for me but not all children are that fortunate.
My mother would take me and stand me in front of the mirror and she would tell me what she saw – that she saw a beautiful and intelligent girl. And because of my looks, my height and most of all my intelligence the other children were “jealous” of me. And the fact that I drank pills was a mystery they could not understand so they teased me about it – but that I had nothing to be ashamed of. She would tell me that if I drink my pills I become even more intelligent than I already am because I am capable of more – instead of being a broken down jalopy I become a Rolls Royce was her favourite expression.
Teasing and bullying is a very painful and degrading experience – even though my mother and my family and my closest friends supported me it still left a mark on my life that I carried with me far into my adult life.
It made me always feeling the need to explain myself, I felt I had to justify the choices and emotions and experiences of Rouvierré – that if I didn’t nobody would understand me.
Writing has always been my best way of expressing myself – I dislike confrontation because I end up saying something I could very well regret later.
So I started keeping a journal – I would write about my day – how I felt, I would tell whoever it was how they had hurt me and then I would cry and leave it at that until the next time.
It has taken many long years for me to believe what my mother would tell me – I loved my modelling experience it gave me the self-confidence to see myself differently – the feeling of being up on that stage or in front of the camera with everyone smiling and cheering you on was something I had so longed for and yearned for as a young child.
But what I want to say today is that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you allow them to, getting upset the way I did only fuelled and added to the teasing and bullying cause they want to break you they want to see you become less than you are.
My advice is proving them wrong – be open to constructive criticism, learn from it and decide if you fit the picture or not – be your own best friend.
Today many of those who teased me, are less fortunate than myself – I have decided to keep the beautiful memories of my school years and forget the rest – life is to short to be weighed down by junk.
Don’t be dump truck for other people – shine like only you can :)
