When things are tough
Looking back on the year of 2018 - bittersweet ...
Last year this time, we had lost our business about a year ago, my husband had finally found a new job round about the middle of the year but I was still unemployed, and our situation was so bad that we couldn't even find a house to stay in - but thankfully we did eventually find one mid October 2017.
I was off my medication now for almost a full year due to the financial constraints surrounding ADHD and ritalin/methylphenidate/concerta etc.
When things were really difficult according to my standards I would pinch my children's extra Ritalin dose (remember they are being treated for free at the local state hospital) to try and cope or I would isolate myself - I would read, cry, write in my journal or listen to my music really loud. It was a terrible time, I felt like I was riding an emotional roller coaster and I also felt alone and betrayed by those closest to me.
Just after we moved into the new house I got a new job but still wasn't able to afford my correct dosage of medication - so although I was trying my best I just didn't seem to have the same standard of work as I had had at my previous employers and I started getting despondent which made me nervous at work because I felt like I couldn't do anything correctly.
I felt like I was in the snake pit that the woman who was showing me my work was trying her level best to have me kicked out because no matter how hard I tried she always found something to gripe over and would run to the boss over everything.
Later on I was moved to another department which was more in line with my previous experience and although I started to enjoy it more and more I worked with and under the supervision of someone who was a total perfectionist who didn't like mistakes or different ways of doing things and even when my mother even tried to talk to her about me, after her and my stepdad had started paying for my pills - I got a distinct feeling that she thought my medical condition was just a comfortable excuse.
I had asked her twice to fill in a connors form to monitor my progress which she never did - and I later lost my job even though I had obtained 94% in a recent test and had always acted honestly and openly and had even stated on my contract that I had ADHD. They seemed to expect an overnight change and instant results - ADHD does not work like that!
I don't believe that I am the only ADHD adult who may have been treated unfairly in a working environment but once again the importance of having the right dose is imperative.
I have worked for 3 big companies in my lifetime, I worked for employers who at first had not understood my problem but who were willing to help me - so I was of course broken hearted when all this took place.
You see you can be as clever and as intelligent as anything (I have an IQ over 135) but if you cannot concentrate, sit still, finish one thing at a time its all in vain.
In my past experiences I had had employers who were willing to take a risk with me, they were willing to stick it out and help me - I shone brightly, I had a wonderful reputation and my work was always of high standard and was always correctly completed every day before I went home - I could get sick the very next day and whoever took over from me would have no trouble carrying on - I worked in the insurance industry ...
This year, was horribly different - I was victimised, singled out and eventually worked out, even when they knew what the problem was, even when they started noticing a change in me once I was back on my pills but because it didn't happen overnight they did not want me around.
People think we hide behind our problem when we don't want to "face the music" so to speak. People tune in to all the rubbish about Ritalin etc and they refuse to see the light - I simply do not understand how you can sit with all the information in front of you see it all playing out in front of you and still be biased.
I do not for one moment believe that God would let me go through what I had been through since childhood without having some greater plan.
If ADHD isn't "real" then why is diabetes real, or any other medical condition for that matter - then why did God give doctors and some parents the knowledge and the know-how of how to deal with people like us - why doesn't He then just make it all go away when we ask Him to.
Like my mother always told me, be grateful you can drink pills that make you smarter than you are. That makes your brain better than it is, that helps you cope with more than one task at a time etc etc etc. There are people who can drink any pill they want but common sense will still be lacking. (no pun intended).
The only obstacle is, unfortunately, a very expensive one if you don't have a medical aid that pays for your pills - and yes I have been there too, I have fought 2 medical aids and won - why because I have a doctor who knows and a record that proves that ADHD is real.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot do it alone - we need your help :)
Last year this time, we had lost our business about a year ago, my husband had finally found a new job round about the middle of the year but I was still unemployed, and our situation was so bad that we couldn't even find a house to stay in - but thankfully we did eventually find one mid October 2017.
I was off my medication now for almost a full year due to the financial constraints surrounding ADHD and ritalin/methylphenidate/concerta etc.
When things were really difficult according to my standards I would pinch my children's extra Ritalin dose (remember they are being treated for free at the local state hospital) to try and cope or I would isolate myself - I would read, cry, write in my journal or listen to my music really loud. It was a terrible time, I felt like I was riding an emotional roller coaster and I also felt alone and betrayed by those closest to me.
Just after we moved into the new house I got a new job but still wasn't able to afford my correct dosage of medication - so although I was trying my best I just didn't seem to have the same standard of work as I had had at my previous employers and I started getting despondent which made me nervous at work because I felt like I couldn't do anything correctly.
I felt like I was in the snake pit that the woman who was showing me my work was trying her level best to have me kicked out because no matter how hard I tried she always found something to gripe over and would run to the boss over everything.
Later on I was moved to another department which was more in line with my previous experience and although I started to enjoy it more and more I worked with and under the supervision of someone who was a total perfectionist who didn't like mistakes or different ways of doing things and even when my mother even tried to talk to her about me, after her and my stepdad had started paying for my pills - I got a distinct feeling that she thought my medical condition was just a comfortable excuse.
I had asked her twice to fill in a connors form to monitor my progress which she never did - and I later lost my job even though I had obtained 94% in a recent test and had always acted honestly and openly and had even stated on my contract that I had ADHD. They seemed to expect an overnight change and instant results - ADHD does not work like that!
I don't believe that I am the only ADHD adult who may have been treated unfairly in a working environment but once again the importance of having the right dose is imperative.
I have worked for 3 big companies in my lifetime, I worked for employers who at first had not understood my problem but who were willing to help me - so I was of course broken hearted when all this took place.
You see you can be as clever and as intelligent as anything (I have an IQ over 135) but if you cannot concentrate, sit still, finish one thing at a time its all in vain.
In my past experiences I had had employers who were willing to take a risk with me, they were willing to stick it out and help me - I shone brightly, I had a wonderful reputation and my work was always of high standard and was always correctly completed every day before I went home - I could get sick the very next day and whoever took over from me would have no trouble carrying on - I worked in the insurance industry ...
This year, was horribly different - I was victimised, singled out and eventually worked out, even when they knew what the problem was, even when they started noticing a change in me once I was back on my pills but because it didn't happen overnight they did not want me around.
People think we hide behind our problem when we don't want to "face the music" so to speak. People tune in to all the rubbish about Ritalin etc and they refuse to see the light - I simply do not understand how you can sit with all the information in front of you see it all playing out in front of you and still be biased.
I do not for one moment believe that God would let me go through what I had been through since childhood without having some greater plan.
If ADHD isn't "real" then why is diabetes real, or any other medical condition for that matter - then why did God give doctors and some parents the knowledge and the know-how of how to deal with people like us - why doesn't He then just make it all go away when we ask Him to.
Like my mother always told me, be grateful you can drink pills that make you smarter than you are. That makes your brain better than it is, that helps you cope with more than one task at a time etc etc etc. There are people who can drink any pill they want but common sense will still be lacking. (no pun intended).
The only obstacle is, unfortunately, a very expensive one if you don't have a medical aid that pays for your pills - and yes I have been there too, I have fought 2 medical aids and won - why because I have a doctor who knows and a record that proves that ADHD is real.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot do it alone - we need your help :)