That parent ...

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That Parent …


Yesterday was the 11th Anniversary of the day that Jesus called my Daddy up to heaven …  

Not a day goes by since that horrible day 11 years ago that I don’t think about him in some way.  He was a man of integrity, of principle and what he said he did – he was loyal and faithful to us till the day he died. 

My father was also diagnosed at the age of 30 or so with Fascio Scapular Humeral – a form of Muscular Dystrophy that attacks the muscle group – basically the muscles you use to walk, sit, stand, turn around in bed, lift things, bend, pick things up and then your facial muscles – my dad could never blow up a balloon. 

I spent a lifetime watching someone I loved and admired and trusted grow weaker every day and there was nothing we could do to change it.

Be that as it may he went to work every day and we had everything we needed as a family – except though that he did not quite understand my condition and as I got older we fought a lot.  It later became apparent that my dad also had a degree of ADHD, and because we were so much alike temperament wise – we were like oil on each others fires.

He would find fault with things I did, like if I made food it wasn’t too his liking, I would have added to much salt or to little salt or I was making a mess cause he didn’t like things like stir fry or stews, and if I helped him with something I had to hear of course how he could do it better.  My second sibling eventually started helping him cause she wouldn’t let him get to her and laughed and joked with him when he became impatient.

My dad also had trouble expressing his feelings and so we would of course always be at odds because if I was loud or over excited it irritated him – he also in the beginning believed that I was abnormal that I should have been in a special school and he disliked the monthly trips to see my doctor…

I am glad to say that as I grew older, we started understanding each other better, and after I got married – I was fortunate enough to still stay in the same town, and just down the road from my parents so I could spend lots of time with my dad who was eventually confined to a 4x4 shop rider – basically a fancy motorized wheelchair … 

I got married in 2002 and my dad passed away in 2007, due to complications surrounding his MD.  Sad though when doctors had promised us that the MD would never affect organs like the heart etc. 

God gave me those 5 years to make up for a lifetime of misunderstanding, we connected finally – he was on a small dose of Ritalin by then and it changed him completely.  

 I have the privilege and the gift in that he saw my two children before he died – I have photos of my children with their biological grandfather…  So after all those hard years were we fought like cat and dog, God turned it around and gave me the greatest gift of all – a heart full of memories and a empathy towards others that I would not have today was it not for my dad!!

Not everyone you meet on your ADHD journey will understand or even fully accept you – for me it was a parent, and there were many others – today still not everyone gets or understands me.

My dad would tell me I hide behind my problem – employers I have worked for in this very year told me the same.  They think ADHD is a mindset you can just switch on and off…

I knew my dad loved me – he proved it in so many other ways, I can remember in grade 9 where a girl in my class gave me punch in the face for absolutely no reason – how that afternoon my dad, despite his MD climbed the stairs to the principal’s office and fought for me …

Not all people will understand, and that’s ok – I’m hoping with this blog that as you read about my life and my experiences it will help make people understand.  

My dad didn’t understand because he was naïve in that he didn’t think that pills could “fix” or help me.  We are 3 girls and perhaps he thought my mother favored me because I am the oldest?  OR maybe he saw too much of himself in me and it made him feel guilty.

Did we pray for God to heal my dad, yes we prayed continually, did God heal my father – no he didn’t.  Do doctors have all the answers - No they don't.  Have I prayed for God to take away my ADHD and make me normal – yes countless times – has He done it – No, not yet anyway … 

WHY? Because I believe that through my dads life, and my own personal experience with ADHD, we grew up understanding people who are disabled or different better than we otherwise would have… 

Love the ones God give you because someday He will want them back – love them regardless of what their medical state is…  Love conquers all !!



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